We love hearing the voices and stories of others in the China adoption community! So this year we’re publishing blogs from adoptees/their families about their experiences of Chinese culture and their connections with China.
Brittany is the Mama of a little one adopted from China but lived as an expat in China before bringing her son home. She was kind enough to share with us her experience of celebrating the lunar new year in China.
We had just moved to Wuhan, China and our new expat community was welcoming us greenhorns with lots of advice…everything from “always bring toilet paper” to “say ‘bu la’ (not spicy) when ordering” (we learned quickly that these two tips were lifesavers since there’s no toilet paper in public restrooms and saying “not spicy” takes the heat down from blazin’ to just plain HOT!). But after more than a few newly-found foreign friends told us to never turn down an invitation from a local friend to visit their village, we got the point.
Our first Chinese New Year approached a few months later and we were giddy with excitement that a sweet Chinese teacher at our school asked us if we’d like to travel out to her village, only about one-hour outside of Wuhan. We probably scared her with our eagerness, however she diligently wrote down all the directions from our home to hers…and in Chinese AND English. We were a little nervous about the taxi to a bus and then another bus route, but thrilled to get out of the bustle of this metropolis and experience life in the countryside.
What we thought would be a simple trip became challenging at the first bus station…not because we couldn’t find the bus, but because the bus driver wouldn’t let us on! It finally dawned on us that our friend wrote the directions in Chinese for us to show others that we, seemingly misplaced foreigners, truly did want to get on this bus. Bingo! He finally opened the bus door as we gratefully sighed in relief.
After what felt like planes, trains, and automobiles, we arrived to our friend’s village and were so graciously welcomed by her family. Although her village was only a short distance outside of one of the biggest and most modern cities in China, it had no running water, electricity, heat/air, or other “modern” conveniences. There were nice cars parked in the driveways and everyone had a cell phone, however all the windows were opened for ventilation (even though it was below freezing outside) and our friend’s mother was cooking over a fire in an “open” kitchen behind the house. But was most surprising to our Western minds was the village bathrooms…two holes in the ground of a “field” centrally located with half a brick wall enclosing them. No “Men” and “Women” signs either, but everyone else seemed to know which side to use. Our minds struggled to comprehend the vast differences between the living conditions in our city so close by and this rural village while our friend’s mother so generously dished out home-made jiaozi (dumplings) in warm broth. While she had never met us before and our communication was mostly through hand signals, she was so willing to share her delicious handiwork with us.
After our bellies were warmed and filled, we joined the noisy caravan going house to house, cheerfully waving an iridescent dragon between numerous dancers and igniting the loudest firecrackers we’d ever heard to chase away the evil spirits, as well as banging on anything that could possibly be made into a drum. This boisterous procession went on for what felt like hours, with dancers and drummers switching in and out for breaks. We were so honored to be invited to wave the dragon’s body and even held the head (the highest honor), as well as clamor with musicians. And of course, we got a photo shoot with every baby in the village willing, (or not-so-willing!) to take a picture with us strange-looking foreigners! Although our arms were tired and our ears hurt from hours of “bang! Bang! BANG!” we were truly in shock by how multi-sensory this Chinese holiday is…right down to feeling the soot on our faces from close proximity to the firecrackers! And you better believe we went “plop!” as we sunk down into the bus seats that evening, legs exhausted from participating in only a few short hours of this stunning celebration!
A few key lessons we learned from this sensory-laden day…
1. Strangers tried to help us foreigners, even before we asked. How often do I find “help” from others different from me annoying or frustrating?
In general, we’ve found that other cultures try to be more “helpful” than what we are used to in our pull-yourselves-up-by-your-bootstraps America. Sometimes that “help” can be confusing or clashes with our own personal preferences, parenting styles, etc. We’ve had encounters with people from our son’s birth country both in China and here were they’ve given us advice or just plainly told us what to do. As an American, it can feel like they are attacking me as a person and parent, but in the back of my brain I have to keep reminding myself that they are just trying to be helpful. Each culture has it’s own unique was of giving and receiving help and it’s my job as an adoptive parent to be respectful of my son’s birth culture. This doesn’t mean I am tossed by the winds of other’s opinions, but it does mean I can smile, nod, and show genuine respect to a person, while choosing what I believe is best for my son.
2. Our Chinese friends were so eager to invite us into their holidays and lives. How often do I intentionally welcome those of Chinese descent into our lives?
It can be overwhelming to add a foreign culture into your family, even if you have all the eagerness and Pinterest-ing abilities in the world. As I glance at the calendar and remember another major Chinese holiday is coming or just strive to find small ways of incorporating Asian culture into our every day lives, nervous butterflies fill my stomach…am I doing it “right”? What if I can’t make perfect homemade dumplings? What if I can’t pull off a Pinteret-worthy Chinese New Year party?
True confession: I’ve made dumplings with friends in Asia many times…and I still can’t get it right back in the good ole USA! I still feel anxious planning Chinese New Year activities, even though I’ve actually celebrated it in China multiple times! So, I can only imagine how many adoptive parents might feel approaching a completely novel holiday. My biggest encouragement is to not do it alone. Invite others into your lives and be a learner: make friends with the local Chinese restaurant owners, volunteer to house an international student from a private school, sign up to meet with an international college student once a week, seek out expats that lived in China, etc. Some of these ideas might not be possible this year, however plan ahead! We recently learned that a local flight school has mostly Chinese students and hosts a monthly “English corner” (where you sit and talk to the students to help them practice English)…we are literally kicking ourselves that we’ve been back in the States four years and only now finding out about this amazing opportunity!
3. In all the hustle and bustle of any holiday, prioritize what’s most important: family and community.
One of our biggest takeaways from this brief peak into village life is that Chinese New Year is a communal event. Extended family trekked from the city back to their countryside roots and neighbors danced, banged pots, and joyously celebrated the new year together. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in finding the perfect craft or trying to make (and fail again!) dumplings from scratch, forgetting what Chinese New Year is truly about: spending time with those dear to you. Even if we “only” make frozen dumplings as a family and snuggle on the couch reading a Chinese New Year book, we still celebrated this special day. My personal formula for not getting too overwhelmed by all I could/should/would like to do is this: make one craft (we’re so excited to use Homeland Tie’s printable activity pack this year!), have one snack/dish (yep, frozen dumplings count!), and purchase one new book to read (there’s so many great recommended reading lists out there!). We like to invite other China adoptive families, former expats, and new friends eager to learn about China’s beautiful culture to celebrate with us. Some years we “just” color a picture, “make” dumplings with play-dough, and order Chinese take out, but what we hope our children remember for years to come is the unique moments we had together.
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